Scent of the Obscene

lobotomyxdoll @ 2006-08-31T08:49:00

2006-08-31T12:49:52Z

If I told you this was killing me, would you stop?

lobotomyxdoll @ 2006-08-30T22:51:00

2006-08-31T02:54:25Z

Tonight, I don't know how to explain how I feel. I just don't like it. I'll say what I know.

I ~~want~~ ~~need~~ love you.

I'm so sorry for that.

lobotomyxdoll @ 2006-08-30T06:43:00

2006-08-30T10:47:29Z

I'm in love with him, and sometimes he loves me too.

lobotomyxdoll @ 2006-08-28T12:39:00

2006-08-28T16:46:36Z

Okay. Heh. What a week. I swear things get more hectic every day. School is starting to scare me. I dont want to go. I dont want to. You cant make me. Okay. I guess you can. Sigh. Over-dramatic sigh. Well. My locker is next to Kate's. Thats always good. Right? It's 'cause The Girls love us, and decided they couldn't separate the hip. Thats always it.

On another note, I really am starting to not understand all this stuff with Josh. Maybe I should stop trying. It seems like a "swell" idea.

..Oh, and one last thing.

I ~~want~~ need you more than ever.

Please make me not so crazy.
Make me fall apart.
Make me think beautiful, unexpected thoughts.
I should mean more.

♥

And Im sure that the world will go on..

2006-08-22T04:22:35Z

I'm so..upset. I hate it. I hate this. Why won't it end? Really? I just want it all to stop. The world to stop spinning. Everything. I want it to stop. You want to know what's wrong. I know. I'm not good with emotions, or explaining them for that matter, but I'll try my hardest.

First of all, youspend all your time preaching about how you're waiting for love. What is up with THAT? Well honey, here it is. It's right infront of your face. Know what you do? Completely turn your back on it. So, I guess we're just fucked. You spend all your time preaching about
waiting for love. Well, here it is, right in front of your face. So, I guess we're just fucked up. I'll eventually move on, but you're going to have to spend the rest of your life knowing you turned your back on love. You know what that makes you? A hypocrite.

Next. It's not being lonely that gets to me. That isn't the worst feeling in the world. You know what is? Being forgotten by someone that you could never forget.

Okay. Lastly. "You know what? No. Really, you know what? Tragedies happen. What are you going to do? Give up on it? Nope. You're going to sit back, and realize that when your heart is broken, or when your heart breaks..then you've got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. You're still alive. You are. You're still alive. The pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for." - Hilarie Burton

That is all..

♥

lobotomyxdoll @ 2006-08-11T17:56:00

2006-08-11T21:58:35Z

" I have a feeling theres someone else. Someone he can actually see everyday. Someone he can hug and kiss everyday. Someone who can watch movies with him every weekend and cuddle on his couch. A girl who is willing to go further, faster. I have a feeling he calls her everynight. I have a feeling I'm getting old. I'm getting boring. I have a feeling that he doesn't come home early just to talk to me before I go to bed anymore. I have a feeling I'm being replaced. "

Take it however you like. There's pretty much only one way to understand it.

I don't feel that way. I just liked the quote.

I still feel like I'm being replaced though.

That is all... ♥

7 Days

2006-07-15T14:34:36Z

You know, there are some people that I'm just never going to understand.

I give up. I really do.

However, I'm hoping for today to be a good day. I think I have to babysit tonight, but I'm not sure. Oh well. I guess I'll find out later today..

And on that note, I leeeave you with...

"When he says, "I love you, honey" you realize that he never calls you by your name. You will say good-bye for all the right reasons. You're tired of living in wait for his apocalypse. You have your own fight on your hands, and though it's no bigger or more noble than his, it will rewire all of your energy. It's you who has to old on to earth. You have to tighten your grip - which means letting go of him."

I think I'm ready to tighten my grip...I'm ready to let go.

That is all. ♥

lobotomyxdoll @ 2006-07-14T18:55:00

2006-07-14T22:59:57Z

Ach hem. So. I think I should start off by saying that ...8 DAYS. Haha. Yeah. I'm completely excited to go, but not so excited to come back. Once I'm gone, I'm not going to want to come back. I mean - what's to come back to? (Well. Other than my friends of course..)

I'm stuck in a dilemma. A boy dilemma. Sigh.

That is all...♥

lobotomyxdoll @ 2006-04-09T17:44:00

2006-04-09T21:47:08Z

Blah. That's how I describe my weekend. Actually, if I were to describe it in one single word, it would be long. Had my parenting baby. That thing can cry. Holy cow. I must say. But, when she's gone it's going to be like there's something missing. Maybe the teacher was right and people do get attached. I'l lget over it by tomorrow after school. Probably tomorrow in class, when I hear her crying.

lobotomyxdoll @ 2006-03-26T18:25:00

2006-03-26T23:28:28Z

Well, I've nothing knew to say..except. 1 Month, 3 weeks and..some..amount of days. IN YOUR FACE TYLER! IN YOUR FACE!! Okay. Im done with that now. Nothing else to say...so, here's my lyric of the moment:

He's the one who keeps me all excited
He keeps me begging for more
He's the one who deems me uninvited
Now it's over.

That's the end of my ..moment. Have a wonderful day.

-Evangeline. ( Hah. Aaron. I love it. )

lobotomyxdoll @ 2006-03-18T12:07:00

2006-03-18T17:08:53Z

School. Wow. Definitely not looking forward to going back. I really..really dont want to. My march break sucked, actually. But hell, I'd rather sit around, bored, then being in that penetentiary. I swear. They say the teachers are bad, but I'll tell yah..the students are ten times worse. Not just for like...certain people, but for everyone. They all hate it. You can see it in their eyes. I just hope they know, they made it this way.

lobotomyxdoll @ 2006-03-16T12:07:00

2006-03-16T17:08:54Z

Well, put in the words of Aaron, here's the box cover for DaVinci's Ritza. Haha. Mmm. Crackers.
We use art to frame our sins. Leave it to me, to write things on a cracker box, to remember them. I never would have thought of that before, but thats me. I'm..weird like that. Here are a few more.

- We seem so far away from everything.
- And all the art that I supposedly create is a faded reflection of something he's already made.

I must say. I love you. I dont know who, but I do.

Man..it's been forever.

2006-03-15T18:29:39Z

Holy cow. I haven't updated in ages. Changed the style. Maybe I should start again. Hah. I will. Here goes nothing. New things that have happened:
- Got a barbell for my Industrial. It's healthy as all hell.
- Seether concert in May
- HorrorPops concert in April
- Today, is Charlotte's birthday. (Happy Birthday by the way, Char. Love you girl!)
- I now cannot stand the idea of Brucas

lobotomyxdoll @ 2005-11-06T22:37:00

2005-11-07T03:40:13Z

Why does God insist on punishing me so? Perhaps, maybe it's something I did? Honestly. I hurt. Everywhere. Not just physically, but emotionally too and it's pointless in talking to any one about it. You know why? Because no one understands. You attempt to speak and all you get is " Stop bitching." or "You're being so fucking emo." Fine. I wont talk. I'll just shut the fuck up like you all expect me to do.

lobotomyxdoll @ 2005-10-24T18:30:00

2005-10-24T22:31:59Z

My god. My throat hurts so bad. It's like..I swallowed itching powder. Seriously. It hurts so bad. Like, it's insane. Kaitlyn's sick too. Sara as well. Becky too....Okay. So, the lot of us are sick. it isn't a nice feeling. I hate being sick.

lobotomyxdoll @ 2005-10-23T10:38:00

2005-10-23T14:42:49Z

I don't get it. I can't..stop reading. It's weird. I pick up a book, no matter where I am and get lost in its pages. No matter what the material, I seem to be capable of getting absolutely engulfed in it. Perhaps, it's due to the alternate reality, maybe..I prefer to get lost in their world, rather than in my own. Is that possible? If so, why do I feel this way? Why do I want to dissipiate from my own little world?

On one last note......
I hate how you say my name, like it's a secret.

lobotomyxdoll @ 2005-10-18T18:00:00

2005-10-18T22:04:01Z

I don't understand. Why me? Why am I always so...not right? So..sick, all the fucking time? Seriously. It isn't a nice feeling. So, I went to the doctors today. About my head. Yeah. My head. I havent told any one about this problem. They dont need to know what it is. (And for those of you that are reading this, dont ask unless you actually want to know.) So, I didnt even see the doctor. I saw the nurse, who wants me to keep a record. Yep. A record of occurences. How terrible? And if it's still occurring on Friday I have to go back to be referred to diagnostic imaging. Wow. More Thunder Bay. More TBDSHC. I hate it. Why me?

lobotomyxdoll @ 2005-10-15T22:33:00

2005-10-16T02:35:46Z

Wow. S'been along time since I updated. Holy heaven. It really has though! So! Went to T-Bay....wooh. Exciting. Note the sarcasm there. Was gonna buy some Hera's, but I didnt. Damn me. I should have. It would have been the smart thing to do, but no..I guess it'll have to wait until next time. It's absolutely freezing here. I bought blow! God do I ever love that movie. Man oh man. Im just a little excited tonight, I guess and Im not quite sure why.

lobotomyxdoll @ 2005-10-06T07:21:00

2005-10-06T11:23:12Z

Wow. Okay. Not gonna complain. You know what? I wouldn't have to want to complain if people didnt keep bumping it! STOP THAT! IT really hurts!!! Sheeeesh. Okay. That's my insight of the day. Hah. Okay. So yes. Two tests today. Am I ready for them? I think not.

lobotomyxdoll @ 2005-10-04T17:18:00

2005-10-04T21:23:45Z

Alrightay then. I'm prayin for yah Char. I really hope you feel much better soon, and that your surg. is real good! Remember to stay positive...

So, I'm not going to bitch about how much the top ring hurts. Im not. Im not even going to bitch about how bruised it is between rings. Nope, Im not. Because it looks so freaking awesome, that when the bruise is gone, it'll be HOT as all hell. YEEEEAH!! Okay. Got a little over excited there. I banged it in my sleep last night, and woke up at 3:43 AM, to a very very sharp pain. My mother believes I should take it out ( and..Chris, I know you will too...) BUT IM NOT GONNA. For the first time in my life, being a stubborn ass is going to pay off. Well, maybe not. But hen I was four, I got my ears pierced and took them out the same day because of pain. I can deal with a little bit of it for now, can I not? I think so!

lobotomyxdoll @ 2005-10-03T07:22:00

2005-10-03T11:23:19Z

Oh, the drama.

lobotomyxdoll @ 2005-10-02T15:28:00

2005-10-02T19:31:52Z

Yeeeeah. So I got my piercing. SHIBBEH!! Yah. It's kind of exciting! Will have a picture posted as soon as possible. Because, I know y'all want to see it soooooo baaaad . LoL! I'm in a bit of a good mood. Mom thinks my ring is going to get infected. I say BULLSHIT. It's supposedto be red. I know this. Tehehe..hehe. Yeah. Thats..about all I have to say, I guess.

lobotomyxdoll @ 2005-09-27T16:43:00

2005-09-27T20:47:19Z

For the first time in my life, I need you more than you need me. I'm so afraid of all that I'm losing with nothing to gain in return. It's like the weight of the entire world has been dropped into my hands, and I feel like I'm suffocating. I'm falling..and I can't breathe. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and no one can even hear me. So why, do I continue to fail at being heard? Because every time I speak, you turn the other way. Whenever I'm in total desperation, or pain, you're no where to be found. My heart aches, and I know this doesn't mean very much to you..but, I'm trying so hard to heal. But, how can time heall all when every minute, a new flesh wound is opened?

Where were you when I needed you this time? I'd love to hear your excuses.

lobotomyxdoll @ 2005-09-27T07:09:00

2005-09-27T11:11:26Z

Happy Birthday Kaitlyn! Yeah. Have a super day, love. If any one screws it up for you, I'll stick a crow bar up their ass. Sound good? Yeah. Sounds good to me too. Im sooo excited for Friday. More excited to have a needle stuck threw me than she is, I think. ^_^ Last night, well..last night was wow. I can't even describe it. Just wow. Yep. MmmHMMMM. Okay. So I'm a little jacked today, and Im not sure why. Coffee? Mmm. Oh no. I have to go to the dentist today. Im so nerveuuuse. I know that was french. But, Kaitlyn will be there with me..........big consolation. -.-

What a week...

2005-09-17T02:23:56Z

Oh boys. What a busy one. I tell yah. So, turns out..I do have pneumonia. Yeah. It sucks, but I guess shit happens eh? Heh. Doctor says not to go to work for a week, but I can go to school. Go figure. Yes. So there's this boy...yes. There's always a boy..and I like him. Yes...I always like him. But I just, I dont know what to do about the boy. Geeeezus